WHAT Next? Seriously.

Ok, so here we are 3 days out from departing to the wedding weekend of a lifetime and I am SICK! Let me recap our last few weeks for ya. Easter weekend: Snake gets some stomach thing. I will leave it at that for all my readers. Then, I get that crazy herniated disk in my back and consequently spend a week on my back and developing a minor addiction to pain pills. Ok, we both recover. We are doing GREAT! Yes! Our wedding is in a WEEK! Woo-HOO! Then, PrincessP gets SICK. GOD DAMNIT. $%^&*()(*&^%$^&*())(##$%^ (that means BAD). Yes, I have a some sort of cold, chest thing and I sound like crap. For reals. I mean I know stress can make you sick and shit, but DAMN not the week of my wedding. Nothing says I love you like my earth-shaking, hacking cough and lack of voice. Whatev!

So, yes, we leave for the wedding in 3 days! I can't wait to blow this Popsicle stand. Unfortunately, "The Soulless Man" (formally known as "The Man") refuses to let me leave a moment before the closing time and I will be more than likely arriving to the beach with Snake and Big E (Maid of Honor) at about dawn on Thursday. I keed, I keed, but it will be late. Honestly, I am concerned that we might have to have Big E ride on the top of the car all the way down. We have SO much crap we are taking! Its a good thing she is so small. Get it, Big E, and she is small. Its called irony, kids and I am a fan.

I guess I just need to focus on all the good coming my way. 3 days at the beach with everyone that matters to me! I am marrying my Snake who will make me happy forever and run me bubble baths. I have a series of fabulous dresses for the weekends events culminating with the Big One! There will be lots of champagne. So, all in all, over packing and phlegm aside, I am about as happy as a PrincessP could be!

All Of Our Dreams Are Coming True

Thanks! That is JUST what we needed!

Ah! Yeah! Getting married is like SO fun, Y'all. Tonight, we have a couples shower. Yes, I can see where this could be considered kind of a emasculating term but this one involves cocktails, so Snake is cool! It is something that could only be invented in the South. A "Stock the Bar" shower. I mean, seriously, HOW COOL. Folks just hook us up with some booze and possibly cute glasses to drink it out of just 'cause we're gettin' hitched. Ohhhh Yeah.

When one of our dear family friends approached me and QueenB about having a couples shower, somehow booze was the first idea to spring to mind. To be quite honest, we totally need useful stuff like plates and towels, but we are having a shower where they give us booze. Oh well, enough booze and things like towels and plates seem a heck of a lot less important. So does personal grooming for that matter, hum.

I am really excited. It is a martini themed evening. I am trying to prepare the Ole Liver which is still a little irritated at me from our night out last night. I'm all like: "Geez, Liver why you hatin' on me? I totally needed that last glass of champagne because the wedding is coming up and I wanted to feel festive." Liver doesn't want to hear it.

I also have a totally cute dress, so it is like a perfect storm of an evening. Yay!

Look OUT! It's BRIDEZILLA

OMG Y'all. This whole wedding planning stress is driving me to drink. Well, not that much more than normal. But, anyway. Seriously. I have been NO fun to be around, and am just so ready to get this all done. My day off is tomorrow and it is full of mundane details that I need to finish so that I can just relax.

You may have noticed a lapse in posting last week. That is because PrincessP could barely walk due to what the Dr. called a "stress related herniated disk". OUCH. Yeah, but after a few days of TLC from Snake and some really nice little painkillers, I am back in action. Somehow, me thinks that being laid up might have been more fun that writing 50 thank you notes, tying bows on favors, and countless other fun tasks that need to be completed by this bride to be in 16 days! All this while tip toeing myself through sticky family situations, and dear LORD don't get me started on the job thing. My saving grace was my Bachelorette Weekend. It was amazing. More to come on that, we are still trying to piece together the evening, and I think the story needs to be told through pictures.

Send help and champagne.

Dolce Hate BATH

Bathtime SUCKS. BAD.

AH!! Dog Nudity!!!

So, last night Snake and I were enjoying a nice glass of wine, relaxing while watching some TV when our darling puppy tells us that she needs to "hit the backyard." Well, unbeknownst to us, there must be something DEAD or worse even in our backyard. I haven't seen it but, LORD did we smell it when our little darling came bounding in. She promptly got a bath. Then another, then a few sprays of Burberry Brit (she finds Chance by Chanel to be too strong for her). Yes, she hates bathtime, but Snake and I hate the smell of death.

Refresh, MOTHERF****R, REFRESH!

Yeah, so that calm hopefulness that I had about possibly getting a new job has turned into an OBSESSION. Remember back in the day when you were waiting for a guy (or girl for you menfolks) to call and you just keep looking at your pager, (Ha! Remember pagers? Mine was blue) or cell phone over and over and over again? At one point you began to wonder if it was broken so you proceed to call yourself to insure that as soon as that perfect specimen on the other end did, indeed, decide to call you that no technical difficulties got in the way. OMG, Y'all! That is SO me. I am checking my email about every 1.3 seconds. Unfortunately, the only emails I have gotten today are from Macy's and Neiman's telling me about sales. Not that I don't appreciate these friendly reminders, but right now I could possibly tell them where to put it.

So, when I am not hitting refresh like a lab rat hoping a bite of cheese will fall out if he keeps hitting the button, I am thinking of creative ways to quit. This is what I have come up with so far:
-Write a haiku: Quitting, hopelessness over, butterfly
-Coming late to a meeting. When you are late to meetings they make you sing and then launching into Johnny Cash's: "Take This Job and Shove It," complete with interpretive dance moves which consist mostly of my middle finger. (Yeah, the singing, BIG part of why I need to get out of here!)
-A singing telegram perhaps dresses as something random to make them wonder if I am crazy or some kind of genius and they just don't get the joke. I think a hot dog would get that point across.
-Bringing a midget (or little nugget as I and Chelsea Handler like to call them) dressed as a court jester and he announces my presence to my superior, and dances a jig as I stroll in drunk on champagne.
-Try out my new "stripper sheik" look complete with Lucite shoes. (thanks for the idea, Emily!)

So, that's all I have now. Please leave additional ideas in the comments section.

Love Y'all!

Like, OMG Y'all I'm Getting Married!

Just Two Crazy Kids Tryin' To Make It Official

I nearly forgot! Luckily for me, I have a nice stream of gifts coming to the house to remind me that Snake and I are gonna make this official. Dolce is glad that she will finally be legitimate. Some doberman at the dog park has been calling her a "bastard". She hates him and is very bitter that her diminutive size will not allow her to do anything about it. Anyway, I guess with all the job searching craziness, it dawned on me that my wedding is 33 days, 10 hours, and 28 minutes (per time of posting...). Holy CRAP! Don't get me wrong, its not like I have been in the wine (well, not anymore than usual), and completely forgotten about the upcoming nuptials. Its just that we have been engaged for some time and it was always SO far away. Now the nuptial gods are breathing down my neck. In a good way, Snake. Don't worry I am not gonna go all bulgey eyes and leave you at the alter like that nutso Runaway Bride. Wonder what ever happened to her....Anyway!

QueenB has certainly done her part to remind me. As you know, she is recently retired and with that somehow has come this new aire of wedding panic. She is currently calling me an average of 5 times a day. Our typical conversation goes something like this:

QueenB: "I got the cheezits, and snacks!"

PrincessP: "Ok, Rainman, what are you taking about?"

QueenB: "For the welcome baskets, and I can't seem to print the programs right, what about the sheet music, did you review the vows, what about a wine pairing for each course of the dinner, why don't you and Snake come over for a wine tasting, what about your earrings, did Snake order the groomsmen gifts, what about those damn bridesmaid's gifts?!?!!?/...."

(Please imagine this without any sort of pauses or taking of breaths)

PrincessP: "I'm le tired. Looking for a job and spending all of my free time in the gym is making me tired. Please tell me again, I look skinny in my dress."

QueenB: Indiscernible noise, then grumbles and says she will call me later.

Who knew planning a wedding would be so stressful! QueenB that's who! She has become a part-time professional eye-roller. I can even hear it through the phone!

So, not that the wedding planning is enough, I have decided to find a new job. The good news is that I interviewed for my dream job, and got called back for the second interview. I really, really, really want this job and only think that this job could serve as a major bump in the fabulosity quotient that is currently in my life. I just can't imagine, a great wedding weekend, and a brand new job that would mean going to great parties and more time with Snake. What does this mean to you, Lambs? It means more interesting things happening in PrincessP's life and more stories of hilarity and personal mini-tragedy. In my current position, my blogs would be like this: woke up, worked out, drove 45 minutes, stared at my computer all day, got back in the car and drove home. Fun.

Wish me luck, Lambs! I'm gonna be a Mrs. (if Snake and I can make it) and hopefully I will have a new job as, what I will be calling, a Fabulosity Coordination Sales. Yay!

Love Y'all!