Funny Shit That Happened At Our Wedding

Luckily, they all survived.

Ok, Y'all. I am sitting in what I like to call my "Office of Discontent" and I am hating. I am hating the paint color, I am hating the company logo, I am hating email, my jacked up fax machine, and pretty much everything. It is my "Friday" and per time of posting I have 58 minutes and 30 some seconds until I can blow this shit hole for greener pastures. And, by greener pastures I mean the inside of a very smelly (can't figure out mystery smell) and dirty PrincessP mobile and drive close to an hour home. Yeah, I am looking forward to that part.

How sad is my life? I am also looking forward to going to the gym tonight. Seriously, I am INSANE. This job is making me that way. I feel like I need to get on the treadmill and run and run and run, thus trying to leave my frustrations behind me. I am guessing I will just end up with shin splints, but whatever. Yeah, since I do have 2 days off ahead of me, I should probably consider something along the margarita or wine persuasion as opposed to physical activity, but I feel fat, so run it is. Then, maybe wine. A girl needs something to picture dangling, carrot on string style in front of her on a treadmill. Anyway, TOTALLY off subject. That tends to happen a lot...oh well.

So, tyring to cheer myself up, I was thinking about funny shit that happened at our wedding. I am going to list them in chronological (big word for a Friday) order.

1. Snake running into a dude that will be working with him at his new job at a bar the Thursday before the wedding. May I mention that Snake was wearing seer sucker and a lobster bow tie. Hot.

2. One of the bridemaid's falling off the back of a golf cart. Well, this wasn't entirely her fault. In some way I think she had pissed off the coordinator, Reba (that name itself just means bid-ness) who happened to be driving at the time. I unfortunately did not see this.

3. The wedding crashers. We totally had wedding wedding crashers! SWEET. The best part was, as our wedding was on Cinco De Mayo, dude was wearing a giant Speedy Gonalez like hat. I then wore hat. Then, they were asked to leave. Yep, you guessed it, Reba struck again.

4. The fire. Well, there was a speech on notecards. There were candles. There were tipsy bridesmaids. Before we knew it, one was nearly caught on fire.

5. DaddyP starts infamous "DAY-O" chant right before we leave. That's how you know DaddyP is having fun, Day-O. Apparently, daylight come he want to go home.

6. In a fit of rage of not having wedding cake, Snake and I return to a tent that is being disassembled. I frightened a catering assistant, and we left triumphant with an entire layer! Victory WAS sweet.

7. The next morning, we drive by a house rented by the bridesmaid's and I recognize one of the guest's dresses hanging over the front balcony. Snake and I knew then that the wedding was a true success.

Ah, good times. See, I am in a better mood already. Maybe I will go out for a cosmo tonight. No! Run! I must run.

I Miss Hugo.

Who is Hugo you ask? NO! He is not some sexy man beast that I once hired to clean my pool. Get your minds out of the gutters people! I am a married woman now. Hugo was the somewhat portly pool bartender on our Honeymoon. Hugo was a good man, always quick with a smile and a pour. Even quicker when Snake flashed a fiver. My favorite part of Hugo was that he didn't judge. If I wanted 3 strawberry daiquiris before lunch, he did not look at me with disappointment or judgement in his eyes. He was more than happy to crank up that blender for "Uno mas, Amigo!".

WE DID IT!

"You're seriously gonna be stuck with me, Buddy!"

Yes! We did it! Snake and I tied the knot two weeks ago today. Happy Two Week Anniversary, Darling. And to think, they said it wouldn't last. Never mind, no one said that! QueenB would have had them forcefully removed from The Wedding of a Lifetime. I just always wanted to say that! Ok, off the subject. Already!

So yes, we are back from the most beautiful wedding EVER and most romantico honeymoon ever. It was all so lovely. There was LOTS of champagne, thanks in large part to Big E. There were lots of tears (me, the happy kind) and lots of love.

Per the previous post, we did arrive VERY late in the evening/early in the morning the Wednesday before the wedding. Thursday I spent laying on the beach, hanging out with some of the brideslaves, and some family. Poor Snake. His Thursday was not so great. Unbeknowst to us, it was Bike Week in Panama City, FL. Ok, I don't want Yall thinking we got married in the Redneck Riviera. AS IF! NO, Panama City is nearby but NOT where we were wed, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, his poor grandparents also were not aware of Bike Week when they booked their hotel. Needless to say, they needed to be rescued from the leather coated tattooed masses.

The weather in Florida was perfect, and we all had a great time leading up to the wedding. The wedding day was perfect, and not a cloud in the sky! Most everything went off without a hitch. There was a broken earring (mine) and heaven help the poor sales associate at Ross Simmons when I explain that the earrings I purchased for my WEDDING DAY broke 10 minutes before walking down the aisle. Yes, even though I am no longer the bride, it doesn't mean I still can't go all Bridezilla on someones ass. There was also a situation that involved a bridesmaid falling off a moving golf cart, and one nearly being caught on fire. They are all fine, don't worry. I'm just pissed the photographers didn't get those little gems of our day.

So, yes. The wedding was perfect. It was a sea of Tiffany blue, crystals and feathers. QueenB was at the center of it all beaming. It was truly her crowning moment. DaddyP was also in rare form delivering an incredible speech that did not leave a dry eye in the house. Dolce was even flawless in her execution of her job as "flowerdog". Yes, my chihuahua was in the wedding. If you aren't jealous, you don't have a soul.

All in all, I'm a little glad it is over. It is so nice to be back to normal and home. It is also nice to have a house full of new crap to play with. Quesadilla maker, anyone?! Getting married was a lot of fun, a lot of stress, and a whole lot of emotions. I now see why I am only doing it once. You hear that, Snake! You're stuck with me. In all seriousness, thank you for all of you that were in attendance! Those of you who weren't, you missed out, and we missed you!