The Last Post Was The Before...

This is the "after".

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

(Sorry for the vainity, still trying to forgive myself for the previous picture. I know Yall understand!)

Why Did Christmas Make Me Do This!?!??!?!

DAMN YOU PAULA DEEN!!!!!

Yep, I fell for it. Putting a heinous picture of myself sans make- up on my blog? No. I decided to have a little Holiday Cocktail Party. That Paula Deen got in my head and messed with it. I saw her joyful smile on the cover of her magazine in my local grocery store willing me to pick her up. I immediately open her magazine, (creatively named Paula) and feel COMPELLED to host a party and make some of her yummy nibbles. Well, looking back now. I should have just ignored her impish grin, grabbed a Cosmo and kept going. I am not bitter I had the party, no problem with that, and for y'all that were there, it was SO great to see you! I am bitter than I gained 2 pounds over the holiday. Yeah, its your fault PAULA. Being "Bridearexic" I should have steered clear of recipies that included "3 packages cream cheese, 1 stick butter, 1 pound bacon." But, did I listen to my inner skinny bride that is trying to come out in May? Nope. I listened to my inner fat kid. Fat kid won. A-gain.

Yeah, yeah, its about friends eating and drinking together. Yes, it is. But, I ask, WHY am I compelled to put on the perfect Holiday Cocktail Party??? Why couldn't I just host a party like I did in college? Chick-fil-a party tray, some chips and salsa, and maybe a little candy in a dish. Don't forget the red dixie keg cups. We were all about being festive then.

Nope, I am making things I have never made before, sweating like a pig and generally freaking myself out. Snake was very supportive. He vacuumed ever crevice in the house while I screamed in terror, "We aren't gonna have enough food." His reply, "Do we have enough booze?", which of course we did.

It was a great time, and so nice to spend some time with friends. I am thinking that next year, maybe keg cups....

Happy New Year!

BEHOLD THE WONDER

The Wonder of Bubba "Bitch T*ts"

So, in case you were wondering what goes on Christmas Eve with th P clan, here is evidence. We drink wine and then take photos of Bubba's Boobies. This wonderous beast is only 4 years old and has tipped the scales this year at 20lbs. He resides with my parents, who grudingly installed a dog door where the cat door used to be. QueenB is now terrified "very small people" could fit through said door.

Dolce HATE Massimo

She hide until he go.

BEHOLD The Son of Satan

As promised, here is a picture of the Grey Asshole, aka Dolce's Nightmare, Damien, Hell DOG. His registered name is Massimo Ferruchio. A big name for a big asshole, and what I fear might be the downfall of my parents almost 30 year marriage. The spawn of Satan was purchased (she paid money, and a lot, for that grey shit) shortly after my mom retired. Its a good thing she is retired since in her own words taking care of him, "is like a full time job."

So, shall I list Massimo's favorite past times:
-Pooping
-Trying to set the World's Indoor Peeing record, good thing my parents just refinished the hardwoods
-Eating own poop
-Chasing my beloved childhood cats
-Pissing off my father
-Pissing on the couch
-Running away
and my personal favorite:
-Crotch biting

The crotch biting came to a head one afternoon when QueenB called me:

QueenB: "Help! He is going crazy and I don't know what to do."

PrincessP: "Hello, and WTF are you talking about?"

In the background, I hear growling that immediately flashed me back to the movie Cujo

QueenB: "OUCH, he just bit my crotch."

PrincessP: "Beat him, TELL HIM NO."

QueenB: "I can't when I tell him no he just goes CRAZY...OUCH, NO, BAD DOG."

(This was a verbatim exchange)
Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Don't let his cute demeanor full you. You are looking into the beady eyes of evil. Please send help.