Refresh, MOTHERF****R, REFRESH!

Yeah, so that calm hopefulness that I had about possibly getting a new job has turned into an OBSESSION. Remember back in the day when you were waiting for a guy (or girl for you menfolks) to call and you just keep looking at your pager, (Ha! Remember pagers? Mine was blue) or cell phone over and over and over again? At one point you began to wonder if it was broken so you proceed to call yourself to insure that as soon as that perfect specimen on the other end did, indeed, decide to call you that no technical difficulties got in the way. OMG, Y'all! That is SO me. I am checking my email about every 1.3 seconds. Unfortunately, the only emails I have gotten today are from Macy's and Neiman's telling me about sales. Not that I don't appreciate these friendly reminders, but right now I could possibly tell them where to put it.

So, when I am not hitting refresh like a lab rat hoping a bite of cheese will fall out if he keeps hitting the button, I am thinking of creative ways to quit. This is what I have come up with so far:
-Write a haiku: Quitting, hopelessness over, butterfly
-Coming late to a meeting. When you are late to meetings they make you sing and then launching into Johnny Cash's: "Take This Job and Shove It," complete with interpretive dance moves which consist mostly of my middle finger. (Yeah, the singing, BIG part of why I need to get out of here!)
-A singing telegram perhaps dresses as something random to make them wonder if I am crazy or some kind of genius and they just don't get the joke. I think a hot dog would get that point across.
-Bringing a midget (or little nugget as I and Chelsea Handler like to call them) dressed as a court jester and he announces my presence to my superior, and dances a jig as I stroll in drunk on champagne.
-Try out my new "stripper sheik" look complete with Lucite shoes. (thanks for the idea, Emily!)

So, that's all I have now. Please leave additional ideas in the comments section.

Love Y'all!